ENTERTAINMENT

The biggest draw for The Witcher: Sirens of the Deep is its lead performance: Game Geralt Doug Cockle moves from one rendition of Andrzej Sapkowski’s ongoing fantasy saga to another to give a gravelly, sardonic turn as the famed Butcher of Blaviken in this Netflix movie. Unfortunately, the biggest draw here is also the only draw. A follow-up to 2021’s Nightmare of the Wolf, Sirens of the Deep is unimaginative and dramatically sterile. Its bland, pastel anime approach turns Geralt of Rivia into a spinning action figure well enough, at the expense of the artistic curiosity that makes Sapkowski’s Witcher world such a fascinating one to get lost in.

Cockle’s distinct vocal delivery is a stabilizing presence in Sirens of the Deep, lending it a brooding quality that comfortably hearkens back to the heights of CDPR’s Witcher RPGs. His performance has a sly richness that’s regrettably absent in other adaptations. As the film around him veers into predictable fantasy cliches and compulsory hack-and-slash havoc, the once and future (?) Geralt holds steady, waiting for a smarter story that never materializes.

Another bright spot is his banter with Joey Batey, once more picking up the lute of live-action Witcher breakout Jaskier. This cross-franchise pairing makes a snug fit, and when Geralt and Jaskier are free to pal around, Sirens of the Deep becomes halfway enjoyable. The actors’ confidence in their roles is easily the most appealing aspect of the movie, and they’re far more of a delight to listen to than the host of appalling “Bri’ish” accents surrounding them.

And goodness, some of the cast really fail the new characters. It’s especially difficult to appreciate Essi (Christina Wren) and Prince Agloval (Camrus Johnson), not only due to Wren and Johnson’s unconvincing, occasionally dire acting, but also because of the passive way they’re written. From a storytelling perspective, Essi is particularly unremarkable: a passionate, nautically savvy figure from Jaskier’s past who naturally captures Geralt’s affection, she’s more a stock love interest for our libidinous hero than a proper romantic foil. Agloval is just as one-dimensional, the sullen prince entangled in a politically charged melodrama between the kingdoms of merpeople and humans. His infatuation with the mermaid Sh’eenaz (Emily Carey) serves as a prelude to war, but if there’s any passion worth risking a kingdom for between these two characters, it was left out of the script.

Geralt and Jaskier find themselves in the coastal realm of Bremervoord, suffering empty stomachs and, thanks to the violet-eyed Yennefer of Vengerberg (Anya Chalotra, in flashbacks), hurt feelings that dictate where the Witcher takes his contracts and whether he’ll slay a beast to earn some coin. (He insists he has a “moral code” – though that insistence is Sirens of the Deep’s only evidence of the code’s existence.) Their desperation pulls them into a conflict between Bremervoord and the merman kingdom of Ys, and despite his initial, feeble reservations, Geralt can’t resist getting involved, especially when the dubious contract to cull an entire monster race comes from wealthy King Usveldt (Simon Templeman) – “Codes for none, coin for all,” as famished Jaskier puts it. It isn’t long before Geralt’s medallion begins to shimmy and shake.

The plot is boilerplate, even by Witcher standards. Usveldt bids Geralt rout a school of vodnik – fish-men who serve Ys – plaguing pearl divers off the coast of Bremervoord, but naturally, there’s more at play than a simple dispute over aquatic territory. As the movie goes on, the courtly intrigues on land and sea paint a dull picture of racist motives from a power-hungry few who’d like nothing better than to have their kingdoms go to war simply for spite (and perhaps a little profit). And war is inevitable unless Geralt, Jaskier, and Essi get to the bottom of this conspiracy, a story that unfolds like a crappy rehash of The Little Mermaid (a parallel underlined during one crummy musical sequence) and often looks like a more uninspired version of the DC Animated Movie Universe’s spotty Throne of Atlantis. The action is rudimentary, and Sapkowski’s murky morality loses some of its nuances in lines like “Humans have a knack for seeking short-term profits and retelling the story so it wasn’t their fault.” As an enchanting under-the-sea adventure that also wants to be social commentary, it’s out of its depth.

This is no reinvigoration of a franchise that’s struggling to find its footing in the wake of Henry Cavill’s departure from its flagship series. If Sirens of the Deep is the best Netflix has to offer under such circumstances, it might be time for the streamer to reconsider its investment in the Witcher universe. Perhaps it’s time to finally let Geralt sail to friendlier shores.