Whatâs feedback for? How about coworker feedback? To fix weaknesses, right?
Put aside what leaders might say in the cool of the moment. Caught in the heat of receiving feedback, leaders often act as if they only have eyes for the negative feedbackâwhat they perceive as criticism. But when the feedback at meetings shifts from the positives to the negatives, they see things differently:
- âThis is where the gold is.â
- âThis is what I can do something about.â
Thatâs also the view of feedback in everyday life. If someone says, âIâve got some feedback for you,â whatâs your feeling? Not good.
âIâm going to get criticized, faulted for something.â
If you equate feedback with criticism, then naturally, inevitably, inescapably, thatâs what feedback is for: fixing weaknesses. In this view, you go over the positive feedback first to soften the blow. Itâs little more than an anesthetic, a swab that makes the needle hurt less.
Accentuate the Positive
Viewing feedback in negative terms is a huge oversightâa stunning blind spot. Positive feedback represents just as much leverage to make leaders better. It contains just as much developmental value. Its value resides in its ability to boost a leaderâs confidence.
Is there anything more basic to a personâs functioning, to their performance, than self-confidence?
Meet Penelope Lewes
Penelope Lewes hears over and over that sheâs extremely brightâbrilliant even. After some reflection, it hits her:
âIâm smarter than I thought I was. And that frees up energy for other people.â
Her realization generated heatâenergy for changeâbut also light, a clear idea of what to change. She went back to the office and immediately put her freed-up energy to good use for other people. She started stopping by peopleâs offices: âI chat with people and ask them how itâs going.â
She also started taking direct reports out to lunch. She enjoyed these contacts more than she expected, and that just motivated her to keep it up.
In the three weeks before we met again, she made a second change. She put a stop to overscheduling herself. She was asked to serve on a company-wide task force and declined. She was invited to join the board of a non-profit and turned that down, too.
âI used to feel I had to do these extra things to make me feel worthy,â she explained. âNow I know Iâm a smart person and Iâm worthy already.â
By the way, the two things she worked on were two of the top criticisms of her:
- Her relationships needed work.
- She grievously overloaded herself.
Thatâs the potential two-part boost that positives can deliver:
- A higher opinion of oneself.
- A boost in morale.
This is especially true for the high proportion of leaders who underestimate themselves, either across the board or in a particular respect, like intelligence.
Hereâs the Catch
But thereâs a twist. When it comes to drinking in praise, thereâs many a slip between the cup and the lip. It happens all the time. Give someone a compliment and they squirm.
Something stands in the way of taking in praise. Whatâs the chief culprit? Humility.
Humility gets drilled into our skulls as kids:
- âThou shalt not toot your own horn.â
- âKeep a low profile.â
- âLet your work speak for itself.â
- âDonât get a swelled head.â
Humility is bossy, coercive, and its staying power is remarkable. Decades later, itâs still forcing us to avoid certain things and embrace others.
Hereâs how one person managed to get his humility to loosen its grip. Despite being deeply identified with being humble, he stood back and saw his humility for what it wasâobjectively. Naming it helped. He called it the âdeflaterâ (self-worth deflater).
Then, instead of downplaying how able and accomplished he was, he gave himself fuller credit:
âNow Iâm more comfortable with myself, more confident,â he reported.
As a result, he did his job better. He grappled with humility and won.
The post Why Leaders Get Feedback All Wrong and How to Fix It appeared first on Addicted 2 Success.