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Vanguard outlines 3 money goals every married couple needs
Married couples rarely disagree about wanting financial security, but agreeing on the goal is different from working together to achieve it. Without a shared plan, even couples with similar priorities can end up working toward different outcomes.
In guidance published on October 21, Vanguard highlighted three financial priorities couples should coordinate: paying down debt, building an emergency fund, and funding shared goals.
Ameriprise Financial’s 2024 research and Kansas State University’s 2012 findings highlight why those details matter. Issues that may demand a couple’s attention range from retirement-planning gaps to financial factors associated with divorce.
Each goal offers couples a practical self-check to reveal whether their financial conversations have moved beyond broad agreement.
Also read: Unhappy couples are staying married longer because divorce is a luxury
Debt, emergency reserves, and a household budget top Vanguard’s priority list
Vanguard’s framework gives married couples three targets that build on each other, each requiring the kind of specific conversation that broad agreement tends to skip.
Eliminating debt clears the way for shared milestones
Vanguard identifies debt elimination as the first financial goal because outstanding balances compete directly with shared milestones such as homeownership and education savings.
Carrying high-interest debt while trying to build savings forces couples to work against themselves, and paying it off first frees up cash flow for the remaining goals.
An emergency fund absorbs unexpected costs
Building an emergency fund is Vanguard’s second goal, with the firm recommending three to six months of living expenses in a liquid account funded through recurring automatic transfers.
Without this buffer, a single unplanned cost can force new borrowing that undoes months of debt-repayment progress and restarts the cycle the first goal was designed to break.
A unified savings plan turns agreement into action
Vanguard’s third goal is to create a unified long-term savings plan, which means building a household budget and committing a defined portion of each partner’s paycheck to shared priorities such as retirement or a child’s education.
The emphasis on a single joint plan reflects Vanguard’s position that parallel individual efforts leave couples without a clear picture of where they stand as a household.
Ameriprise data reveals a gap between couples’ confidence and coordination
The Ameriprise Financial study puts hard numbers behind the coordination gap that Vanguard’s three goals are designed to close.
The firm surveyed 1,510 American couples with at least $100,000 in investable assets as part of its Couples, Money & Retirement research, with primary respondents aged 45 to 70 who were either within 10 years of retirement or had retired within the last decade.
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While 91% of the couples surveyed reported sharing similar financial values, a substantial number still hadn’t agreed on retirement savings targets, lifestyle spending, or financial support for family members. Twenty-four percent had not agreed on how much they needed to save for retirement or how much to give to children and grandchildren.
Another 25% held different expectations for hobby and travel spending in retirement, and 22% disagreed on general lifestyle spending.
Ameriprise found the disconnect runs deeper: 41% of couples surveyed lacked a financial plan, and 52% had not established an estate plan.
An additional 39% had not determined how they would make up for the loss of their paychecks upon retirement, which deepened the planning challenge for couples approaching that transition.
Ameriprise finds that despite shared financial values, many couples lack agreement on retirement savings, spending priorities, estate planning, and income strategies.Juliane Sonntag / Getty Images
Hidden accounts and delayed conversations add financial strain for couples
Ameriprise’s research uncovered that 14% of respondents kept a financial account hidden from their partner, with balances in those secret accounts frequently exceeding $10,000.
Kansas State University research found that financial disagreements predict marital instability even among couples with sufficient resources.
Marcy Keckler, a certified financial planner and former senior vice president of marketing and financial advice strategy at Ameriprise, tied those findings by Ameriprise to a broader pattern of deferred planning.
<strong>Couples who are delaying important conversations or who are unable to communicate openly about money tend to have more difficulty planning for the future together. Thankfully, there is a lot they can learn from other couples who’ve navigated the path to retirement smoothly</strong>.
The Kansas State study reinforced that point, finding that money arguments tend to be more intense and longer-lasting than other marital conflicts, suggesting the cost of avoiding financial conversations compounds over time.
How couples can build financial alignment
Keckler recommended that couples who feel overwhelmed by financial conversations start by choosing a qualified financial adviser together. Participants in the Ameriprise study ranked that step among their top strategies for reaching financial compromise with a spouse.
Kansas State research showed that financial disputes early in a marriage were associated with lower relationship satisfaction years later, which can compound into further financial strain.
Nearly three-quarters of the couples surveyed by Ameriprise had been together more than two decades. These longstanding couples identified open communication about financial goals, healthy conflict resolution, and jointly choosing a financial adviser as their top three strategies for financial alignment.
Couples can put Vanguard’s recommendations into practice by agreeing on debt-repayment targets, setting emergency-savings goals, and establishing regular contributions toward retirement and other shared priorities.
Financial alignment requires more than shared intentions. Couples need specific dollar amounts, agreed-upon deadlines, and regular conversations to keep their financial plans on track.
Related: Schwab says your wedding could wreck key financial goals
Bobby Flay’s $150 enameled GreenPan dutch oven is just $63 at Macy’s
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Why we love this deal
As the holiday season approaches, the kitchen can become a bit busier than normal. Between preparing weeknight dinners, hosting family and friends, or just baking holiday cookies for the neighbors, having cookware that handles a range of recipes can help make everything easier and more streamlined, especially if it’s also easy to clean. Main courses, side dishes, and everything in between are made easier by versatile dishes that can be used in the oven or on the stove.
The Bobby Flay Cast Iron Dutch Oven is a dependable, versatile, and durable dish that can last for years, offering an easy-to-clean option for stews, sourdough bread, roasting, and so much more. This $150 oven is on sale for a limited time for just $63 at Macy’s, and it’s perfect for holiday and everyday cooking.
Bobby Flay Cast Iron Dutch Oven, $63 (was $150) at Macy’s
Courtesy of Macy’s
Shop at Macy’s
Why do shoppers love it?
Created through a partnership between GreenPan and chef Bobby Flay, this 5.5-quart Dutch oven offers traditional cast iron cooking with a durable enameled finish that can withstand high temperatures and daily cooking. It can be used on all stovetops and in the oven, and it’s safe to use up to 500 degrees Fahrenheit. This allows you to braise, fry, bake, sear, and more for a variety of dishes. It’s also super convenient for one-pot meals and keeping dinner warm for seconds, as the heat retention is great and distributes heat evenly throughout the pan.
Related: Walmart’s $52 ceramic nonstick skillet is on sale for $27
The lid features a design that auto-bastes the food, with little droplets on the inside that collect moisture and drop it back down onto the food, instead of the moisture falling around the rim as most other pans do, which is great for slow-cooked dishes like pot roast. The enamel coating is chip resistant, stain resistant, and easy to clean. It also features large side handles for easier control, especially when the pot is hot.
Details to know
Sizes: This pot can hold 5.5 quarts, making it great for family stews and making sourdough loaves.
Self-basting lid: The lid features a design that bastes the food as it cooks, providing a juicier meal.
Enamel: The enamel is stain and chip resistant, and easy to wash.
“This Dutch is by far the best pot I have ever owned,” one shopper wrote. “I use it all the time & it even makes the best breads. It’s very versatile, durable, and easy to clean.”
Another reviewer wrote, “It cleans very nicely and looks brand new after every cleaning. It cooks various dishes; for example, you can roast a whole chicken in this Dutch oven.”
Shop more deals
GreenPan 8-Cup Rice Cooker, $50 (was $60) at Macy’s
Tramontina 10-Inch Cast Iron Skillet, $62 (was $105) at Macy’s
Cuisinart 3-Quart Round Dutch Oven, $65 (was $90) at Macy’s
The Bobby Flay Cast Iron Dutch Oven is a durable and versatile piece for any home cook. It can be used on the stovetop or in the oven up to 500 degrees, and the enamel cleans easily. At 58% off, this collaboration piece is also a great price! Shoppers can get it at Macy’s for just $63.
Divorce attorney exposes financial risks that follow separation
Divorce may end a marriage, but it does not always sever the financial ties between former spouses. Even after assets are divided and a decree finalized, one person may remain liable for a mortgage, credit card debt, or auto loan for years.
This is because divorce agreements do not override contracts with creditors, leaving former spouses exposed to financial obligations they may assume are settled, according to the University of Minnesota Extension.
Damian Turco, Founder and Managing Partner of Turco Legal, is licensed in Massachusetts and Florida and has handled hundreds of family law cases.
In an interview with TheStreet, he explained the financial traps separating couples often overlook, including lingering joint debts and complex compensation arrangements.
Also Read: Unhappy couples are staying married longer because divorce is a luxury
Joint debts can follow both spouses long after a settlement
The most pressing risk Turco identified involves joint debts, particularly mortgages, credit cards, and auto loans, in which both spouses signed the original agreement.
A family court can assign payment responsibility to one former partner, but that ruling has no authority over the lender holding the original contract.
Divorce attorney Damian Turco warned in an interview with TheStreet that divorce does not automatically erase joint debt obligations.
<strong>A divorce court can allocate responsibility for a debt between spouses, but that generally does not rewrite the contract they previously signed with a bank or other creditor,</strong><br>
When the assigned spouse misses a payment on a joint debt, the creditor can still pursue the other borrower for the full balance.
The divorce agreement provides no protection from the original lender, the University of Minnesota Extension confirmed.
Turco recommended refinancing mortgages into one spouse’s name, paying off shared credit card balances, and closing joint accounts before the decree is finalized.
Turco said the goal should be to sever every financial connection between former spouses rather than leave shared liabilities for creditors to collect.
Unreported income and hidden accounts undermine fair settlements
Research shows financial deception between spouses is more common than most people assume, and it undermines a court’s ability to divide property equitably.
A 2021 National Endowment for Financial Education poll found that 43% of Americans who had ever combined finances with a partner admitted to at least one act of financial deception.
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Turco cautioned in the interview that suspicion alone never constitutes proof, which is why the discovery process becomes essential in these cases. Attorneys can compel sworn answers to written questions, take depositions under oath, and issue subpoenas to employers and financial institutions, he explained.
When standard discovery falls short, forensic accountants can trace money across multiple accounts, analyze tax returns and bank records together, and flag discrepancies.
Cryptocurrency holdings, closely held businesses, and multi-entity compensation packages often require this deeper forensic analysis beyond routine disclosure, Turco told TheStreet.
Courts can reopen divorce judgments when hidden assets surface and may redistribute property to favor the honest spouse, the California Courts’ Families Change guide notes.
Financial deception can distort divorce settlements, making forensic accounting, legal discovery, and full financial disclosure essential to fair property division.Zinkevych / Getty Images
Stock options, RSUs, and private businesses carry hidden division risks
Assets like stock options, restricted stock units (RSUs), deferred compensation, and bonuses are common in divorce cases and raise two distinct legal questions. The first is what portion falls under state property division rules, and the second is what the interest is worth in practice, Turco explained.
Business valuation is nuanced in divorce because an appraisal created to raise capital uses different assumptions than one prepared for property division, he said.
Splitting every asset evenly does not always serve either party, and forced division can destroy the value it was meant to preserve, Turco noted. Giving both spouses ownership in a business that only one operates can create operational problems and may harm both parties financially.
Kara Duckworth, a Partner of Regis Group at Mercer Advisors, warned in a Kiplinger column about overlooked dangers in the division of assets. Two retirement accounts with identical statement balances can deliver very different income depending on whether they are pre-tax or Roth, Duckworth wrote.
Access to shared records can disappear quickly after a filing
Turco urged anyone considering or facing a divorce to begin organizing financial records as early as possible, ideally before a formal filing occurs. Access to joint accounts and shared statements can change rapidly once a spouse suspects that a filing is imminent, Turco warned.
The essential records include several years of personal and business tax returns, which can reveal income patterns and undisclosed accounts.
Bank, brokerage, retirement, and investment statements from every account either spouse can lawfully access round out the core list, Charles Schwab’s divorce preparation guide advised.
Turco recommended downloading copies of every statement you are legally entitled to access and saving them in a secure digital location before the proceedings begin.
For spouses with business-owning partners, the needed records also include business financial statements, employment agreements, and RSU documentation, he noted.
Protecting your finances means acting before the final decree
Financial disclosure can involve thousands of pages, and when records arrive sorted and labeled, attorney time shifts from paperwork to strategy, meaningfully reducing legal fees, Turco said.
Engaging a financial adviser before a settlement is finalized can reveal blind spots that surface only after asset division concludes, Duckworth wrote.
Early preparation and professional guidance remain the most protective steps a separating spouse can take through the settlement process, Turco noted.
Related: Divorce Under Pressure: Budget, Cash Needs, and Retirement Planning
Memento Mori Meaning: How to Practice It Every Day
Memento mori meaning, in plain English: it’s Latin for “remember that you must die.” In Stoic philosophy it isn’t a gloomy slogan or a skull aesthetic, it’s a daily practice of keeping your mortality in view so it sharpens what you do today. You practice it with short, regular reminders that end in action: cut the trivial, stop postponing what matters and treat each day as if it could be complete.
I’ve watched this idea change people more than almost any productivity system I’ve seen. Not because it scares them, but because it cuts through the noise. When a founder genuinely remembers the clock is running, the inbox gets smaller, the hard conversation finally happens and the “someday” project gets a start date. Two words, and suddenly you know what matters.
Before we get into the practice, here’s Ryan Holiday from Daily Stoic explaining memento mori in about five minutes. It’s the clearest short take I’ve found, and he shows the coin he carries in his pocket as a reminder.
What Does Memento Mori Mean?
Word for word, memento means “remember” (a command, not a suggestion) and mori means “to die.” So the phrase is an instruction to yourself: remember that you will die. Over the centuries it also became a noun. A memento mori is any object made to remind you of death, which is why Tate describes old paintings full of skulls, hourglasses, guttering candles and wilting flowers.
Here’s a detail most explainers skip. The exact Latin phrase is a later label, mostly medieval and Christian. The early Christian writer Tertullian recorded something close to it from Roman triumphs, where a victorious general was reminded, “Look behind you; remember you are a man.” The practice though is older, and the Stoics are the ones who turned it into a working tool. They never said “memento mori” as a catchphrase. They just did it, every day.
That’s the line I want you to take from this section: memento mori isn’t a mood, it’s a filter. Its only job is to make your next decision clearer.
How the Stoics Actually Used It
Three Stoics, three angles, all from the primary texts.
Marcus Aurelius, the most powerful man in the Roman world, wrote this to himself in his private notebook: “Since it is possible that thou mayest depart from life this very moment, regulate every act and thought accordingly” (Meditations 2.11). Notice the second half. The thought of death isn’t the point. Regulating the next act is. If you want more from his notebook, I’ve pulled together the best Marcus Aurelius quotes with their book and section sources.
Epictetus gave it a frequency: keep death “daily before your eyes,” and “you will never entertain any abject thought, nor too eagerly covet anything” (Enchiridion 21). Daily. Not once a year at a funeral.
Seneca gave it a bedtime ritual. In Letter 12 he suggests going to sleep able to say, “I have lived,” and treating any extra day as a gift. In his words, the person who can say that receives a bonus every morning they wake up.
Put those together and you get the whole system: a reminder (Epictetus), a decision rule (Marcus) and a way to close the day (Seneca).
Why Memento Mori Sharpens Your Priorities
Most high performers I meet aren’t lazy. They’re busy on the wrong things. They’re answering every message, sitting in meetings that could have been an email, defending a decision they already know was wrong, and pushing the work that actually matters to “next quarter.” Nobody does that on purpose. You do it because, deep down, you’re acting like time is unlimited.
Steve Jobs said it better than anyone in his 2005 Stanford commencement address. For 33 years he looked in the mirror each morning and asked, “If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?” When the answer was no for too many days in a row, he knew he needed to change something. He called remembering that he’d be dead soon “the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life,” because pride, external expectations and fear of embarrassment “just fall away in the face of death.”
That’s the mechanism. Death doesn’t add motivation. It removes the junk that was blocking it. Status games, people-pleasing and the fear of looking stupid all lose their grip when you remember none of it is permanent. We already have a deeper piece on why remembering you’re going to die will wake you up. This one is about the how.
How to Practice Memento Mori Daily: 6 Steps
Here’s what I’d do if I were starting from zero tomorrow. None of these take more than a few minutes. Pick two, run them for a month, then add more.
Ask the morning question. Before you open your phone, borrow Jobs’ line: “If today were my last day, would I want to do what I’m about to do?” You don’t need to overhaul your life on a Tuesday. Just notice the answer. If it’s no three or four days in a row, that’s data.
Use it as a decision filter. At every fork in the day, ask: would I be okay if this were the last version of me people saw? It’s amazing how fast it kills the sarcastic email, the pointless argument in a group chat and the third hour of “research” that’s really just avoidance.
Run a quick reverse visualization. Pick one thing you keep postponing, the product, the trip, the call to your dad. Picture yourself five years from now and it still hasn’t happened. Sit with that for 60 seconds, then schedule the first step today. Keep it short and practical. The goal is a calendar entry, not a spiral.
Keep a physical cue. The old painters used skulls. You can use a coin in your pocket, a sticky note on your monitor or a life-in-weeks calendar, where an 80-year life is roughly 4,160 small boxes. Every time you see it, ask one question: what’s the next useful thing?
Apply it to people, not just projects. Epictetus told his students to remember that the people they love are mortal too. That isn’t cold, it’s the fastest way I know to become more patient, more present and quicker to say the thing you’ve been meaning to say. Make the call. Send the message.
Close the day like it was complete. This is Seneca’s version. At night, look back and ask: did I spend today on purpose? Then let it go. If you get tomorrow, you’re playing with house money, so treat it that way.
Quick daily checklist: morning question asked, one decision filtered, one postponed thing moved forward, one person reached out to, day closed without carrying it to bed.
Memento Mori Done Right vs. Done Wrong
This idea gets misused a lot, so here’s the simple version I’d want any founder or team leader to understand:
Done right
Done wrong
A short reminder that ends in a clear next action
Long rumination that ends in dread or doom-scrolling
Cutting trivial work so the important work gets done
“Nothing matters anyway,” so nothing gets done
Being more present with the people you love
Pulling away from people because everything is temporary
Bold, considered decisions you won’t regret
Reckless “you only live once” decisions you’ll pay for later
A private practice that changes your behavior
A skull tattoo or aesthetic with no change in behavior
Common Mistakes to Avoid
Mistake 1: Turning it into nihilism. “We’re all going to die, so why bother?” is the exact opposite of what the Stoics meant. Marcus remembered death and then went back to running an empire. Finite time makes your choices matter more, not less.
Mistake 2: Morbid rumination. If the thought lingers for twenty minutes and leaves you anxious instead of clear, it’s stopped being a practice and become brooding. Set it down and pick up the next task. And if you’re grieving or anxiety about death is heavy right now, be gentle with yourself and talk to someone you trust. The tool should serve you, never the other way around.
Mistake 3: Using it as an excuse. I’ve seen people quote “life is short” to justify blowing up a business, skipping the boring work or treating people badly. Life is short. That’s exactly why the boring work, done well, matters. Memento mori asks for wisdom, not impulsiveness.
Mistake 4: Keeping it as decoration. A coin or a print on the wall is fine, but only if it triggers the question. If you stop noticing it, move it or swap it.
The Real Point
Here’s what I believe after years of watching people build things: the people who remember they’re going to die tend to live like they mean it. They say no faster, they forgive faster and they start sooner. They stop treating their best work like something they’ll get around to.
You don’t need a skull on your desk. You need one honest question each morning and the courage to act on the answer. Ask it tomorrow before you touch your phone, and see what changes.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is memento mori a Stoic phrase?
The exact Latin phrase became popular later, mostly in medieval Christian art. The practice is classically Stoic: Marcus Aurelius, Epictetus and Seneca all wrote about keeping death in view daily to guide better choices.
What are common memento mori symbols?
The classic symbols are a skull, an hourglass or clock, a snuffed or guttering candle, wilting flowers and fruit. Modern versions include engraved coins, life-in-weeks calendars and simple written reminders.
Is memento mori morbid or depressing?
It shouldn’t be. Practiced well, it’s brief and ends in action: a clearer decision, a call you’ve been putting off, less time on trivia. If it leaves you anxious rather than clear, shorten it or set it aside.
How often should you practice memento mori?
Daily, but briefly. Epictetus said to keep death before your eyes every day. A 30-second morning question and a short evening review are enough for most people to feel the difference within weeks.
What is the difference between memento mori and carpe diem?
Memento mori is the reminder: your time is finite. Carpe diem, “seize the day,” is the response. Done right, remembering death leads to using today well, not reckless “you only live once” choices.
The post Memento Mori Meaning: How to Practice It Every Day appeared first on Addicted 2 Success.
What Is the Dichotomy of Control? How to Practice It Daily
The dichotomy of control is the Stoic idea that some things are up to you and some things are not, and that your peace and performance depend on knowing the difference. What’s up to you is your own judgments, choices, effort and responses; what isn’t is the outcome, other people, the market, your reputation and the past. You practice it by sorting every worry into those two columns, putting all your energy into the first one and deliberately letting go of the second.
I’ve seen this play out with more founders than I can count, and on myself while building Addicted2Success. The people who burn out aren’t usually the ones working the hardest. They’re the ones spending most of their energy on things they were never in charge of: the investor who hasn’t replied, the competitor’s launch, the one-star review, the algorithm change. The dichotomy of control is the simplest fix I know for that leak, and it’s about 2,000 years old.
Before we get practical, here’s Ryan Holiday from Daily Stoic putting the whole idea into under two minutes. Watch it once, then we’ll turn it into something you can use on a Monday morning.
What Is the Dichotomy of Control?
The idea comes from Epictetus, a Greek Stoic teacher who was born a slave and went on to become one of the most influential teachers of the Roman era. The very first line of his handbook, the Enchiridion, says it plainly: “Some things are in our control and others not. Things in our control are opinion, pursuit, desire, aversion, and, in a word, whatever are our own actions. Things not in our control are body, property, reputation, command, and, in one word, whatever are not our own actions.”
That’s the whole framework. Two buckets. Epictetus wasn’t saying the second bucket doesn’t matter. He was saying it isn’t yours to command, so tying your peace of mind to it is a bad trade. He also warned what happens when you get it wrong: you’ll lament, you’ll be disturbed, and you’ll find fault with everyone around you. If you’ve ever spent a Sunday night refreshing a dashboard, you know exactly what he meant.
Here’s the line I want you to remember: you don’t control the outcome, you control the input, and the input is where all your power lives.
Up to Me vs. Not Up to Me: A Founder’s Version
The ancient examples are about property, reputation and office. Swap in the modern equivalents and it gets very real, very fast. This is the table I’d put on the wall of any small team:
Situation
Up to me
Not up to me
Raising money
The quality of my deck, how many investors I contact, how well I prepare, how I follow up
Whether a partner says yes, their fund timing, the market mood that quarter
Customer churn
Onboarding, response time, product fixes, how honestly I read the exit survey
A customer’s budget cuts, their boss changing tools, a competitor’s discount
Bad reviews
How I respond, what I learn, whether I fix the real issue
What a stranger posts, how many people read it
Team drama
My clarity, my standards, the hard conversation I’ve been avoiding
Another person’s mood, their history, how they choose to react
A launch
The work, the timing I pick, the story I tell, the people I personally reach out to
The algorithm, the news cycle, whether it trends
My health and energy
Sleep, training, food, when I shut the laptop
Getting sick anyway, aging, genetics
Notice something about the left column. Every item is an action you can take today. Every item on the right is a result you can only influence. That’s not an accident. The dichotomy of control is really a tool for moving your attention from results back to actions.
Why It Works (and Why It’s Not Just a Nice Quote)
Most people treat this as a calming thought. It’s actually a performance tool. When your attention is stuck on what you can’t control, you’re spending energy without producing anything. Worry feels like work, but it ships nothing.
There’s also some modern evidence behind it. Writing in Psychology Today, Stoic author and therapist Tim LeBon reported that during Stoic Week 2022, more than 2,000 participants rated how much they “control the controllables” and “let go of things I can’t control.” Both habits correlated positively with well-being, and controlling the controllables showed a strong link to flourishing. It’s survey data, not a clinical trial, but it lines up with what I’ve watched happen to people who adopt the habit.
I keep a few Stoic quotes on my phone for the days the noise gets loud, but a quote only helps if you’ve already done the sorting. The sorting is the practice.
How to Practice the Dichotomy of Control: 6 Steps
This isn’t a philosophy lecture. Here’s exactly what I’d do if you want to use this starting tomorrow.
Do a two-column brain dump. Take a notebook, draw a line down the middle and write “Up to me” and “Not up to me” at the top. List everything that’s bothering you right now. Don’t judge it, just sort it. Most people find the right column is twice as long as the left, and that alone is a wake-up call.
Turn every outcome into an input. For each item on the right, ask, “What part of this is mine?” “Will the investor say yes?” becomes “Send three more warm intros this week and tighten slide four.” You’re not ignoring the outcome. You’re finding the handle on it.
Set process goals, not just outcome goals. Keep the big target, but judge your day on the part you own. “Hit $50K MRR” is a direction. “Ten sales conversations this week” is a scoreboard you control.
Pre-decide your response. Bad news is coming at some point. Decide now what you’ll do when the deal falls through or the launch flops: take a walk, write down what you can learn, make the next call within 24 hours. A response you’ve already chosen is a response that’s up to you.
Name it out loud in the moment. When you feel the spiral start, say, “That’s not up to me.” It sounds simple. It interrupts the loop long enough for you to ask the better question: what is?
Review it at night. The Stoics loved an evening review. Ask three questions: Where did I spend energy on things I couldn’t control? Where did I let something I could control slide? What will I own tomorrow?
The Daily Dichotomy Checklist
Morning: write the one result I want today and the three actions that are fully mine.
Before any hard conversation: list what I’ll say and how I’ll act, not how they’ll react.
When I check metrics: note one input I’ll change, then close the tab.
When something goes wrong: “Not up to me” first, then “What’s my next move?”
Evening: three-question review, two minutes, done.
Dichotomy of Control vs. Locus of Control
These two get mixed up all the time, so let’s clear it up. If you’ve read about building an internal locus of control, this will sound familiar, but they aren’t the same thing.
Locus of control is a psychology concept about what you believe drives your life. People with an internal locus believe their actions shape their results. People with an external locus believe luck, other people or circumstances run the show. The dichotomy of control is a practice for sorting each specific situation into what’s actually yours and what isn’t.
Here’s how I’d put them together. Locus of control is the belief that your effort matters. The dichotomy of control is the discipline to aim that effort only where it can land. An internal locus without the dichotomy can turn into control-freak behavior and self-blame for things you never owned. The dichotomy without an internal locus can turn into passive acceptance. Together, you get someone who takes full ownership of their actions and stays calm about the rest.
What About Things You Can Partly Control?
Most of business lives in a gray zone. You can’t control whether a client signs, but you’re not powerless either. Philosopher William Irvine, in A Guide to the Good Life, suggested a “trichotomy of control”: things you control completely, things you don’t control at all, and things you control partly.
It’s a useful nuance, but don’t let it become a loophole. The trick for anything in the middle is the same as step two above: break it down until you find the piece that’s entirely yours, then make that your goal. Irvine’s own example is a tennis match. You can’t control whether you win, but you can set the goal of playing your best. That’s the dichotomy doing its job inside the gray zone.
Common Mistakes When People Try This
Using it as an excuse. “Revenue isn’t up to me” is true and useless if you stop there. The dichotomy should make you more active, not less. The left column is supposed to be crowded with action.
Pretending not to care. Letting go of the outcome isn’t the same as not wanting it. You can want the deal badly and still refuse to let your peace of mind ride on it.
Putting other people in the wrong column. You don’t control your co-founder, your kids or your customers. You control how clearly you communicate, what boundaries you set and how you show up. That’s still a lot of power. It’s just the right kind.
Doing it once. One brain dump feels great. The benefit comes from doing the sorting every single day until it’s automatic.
The Bottom Line
Every founder I respect has some version of this habit, whether they call it Stoicism or not. They work like crazy on the things that are theirs, and they refuse to bleed energy on everything else. That’s not detachment. That’s focus.
So grab a notebook tonight and draw the line down the middle. Put what’s bothering you in the right column, find the action hiding inside each one, and move it to the left. Then go do the left column. That’s the dichotomy of control, and it’s one of the most practical things you’ll ever learn.
Frequently Asked Questions
What is the dichotomy of control in simple terms?
It’s the Stoic idea that some things are up to you, like your choices, effort and responses, and some aren’t, like outcomes, other people and the past. Focus your energy on the first group and let go of the second.
Who came up with the dichotomy of control?
The Stoic philosopher Epictetus, who taught in the first and second centuries AD. It opens his Enchiridion, or Handbook, and later shaped Marcus Aurelius’s thinking and modern cognitive behavioral therapy.
How do you practice the dichotomy of control every day?
Write a two-column list of what’s up to you and what isn’t, turn each outcome into an action you own, set process goals, pre-decide your response to setbacks and review at night where your energy went.
What is the difference between the dichotomy of control and locus of control?
Locus of control is a belief about whether your actions shape your results. The dichotomy of control is a practice for sorting each situation into what’s yours and what isn’t. The first fuels ownership; the second aims it.
Does the dichotomy of control mean you should stop caring about results?
No. You can want a result and work hard for it. The point is to judge yourself on the inputs you own and stop letting your peace of mind depend on outcomes you can only influence.
The post What Is the Dichotomy of Control? How to Practice It Daily appeared first on Addicted 2 Success.
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What DoorDash and Instacart members get if the companies merge
If DoorDash buys Instacart in a $17 billion transaction, the company said its customers and the community it serves will benefit.
As a paid member of both, I’m cautiously optimistic that the two companies largely meet different needs. In fact, I often forget to use them because my paid Uber Eats membership offers both food and grocery delivery.
It’s not uncommon for me to use the service to order dinner and then realize I need liquor from Total Wine, along with paper plates, Gatorade, and iced coffee from Target. Once you’re in an app that offers multiple services, it’s easier to solve multiple problems at once.
A combined DoorDash and Instacart could become a more viable Uber Eats competitor, and the company said the merged business will also be cheaper for consumers in one significant way.
DoorDash will combine its subscription programs
DoorDash CEO Tony Xu praised Instacart during DoorDash’s third-quarter earnings call.
“I think Instacart has built a great brand, and it’s a very unique brand where their audience is very, very loyal to that brand. And so we certainly will support it,” he said.
He also promised that the merger would financially benefit members.
“We certainly will bring value to consumers. For instance, for the same price that you pay for DashPass today, you’ll get access to two subscription programs, the Instacart membership program as well as the DoorDash membership program,” he said.
Xu acknowledged that he had to speak carefully because the deal was still pending approval, but promised more for members.
“And we have some other ideas, too. But a lot of the value in this partnership is really going to come in all things that I see as almost not visible to the consumer,” he added.
But, not all the value will be under the hood, Xu said.
“They’ll see the benefits in the form of faster delivery, lower prices, greater selection, higher quality, and accuracy of orders. Grocers will see the value in terms of extra sales. Shoppers will see the value in terms of greater earning opportunities. And communities will see the value in greater GDP,” he said.
Subscription is key for DoorDash
All three services charge the same $9.99 a month. The only gap is on annual billing, where Instacart+ runs $3 more.
Xu acknowledged that being a larger company will allow for greater investment.
“And that’s been very difficult when you’re a smaller player to invest in on your own. That’s what this combination is really about, where DoorDash and Instacart can give every retailer a fighting chance of competing in the modern-day era,” he said.
Subscriptions, he noted, have been very important for DoorDash.
“Overall, paid subscribers continue to set all-time records. The combination of the work that we’ve done in improving the product while continuing to drive subscription is what you’re seeing in terms of the growth that you’re seeing in the business. And again, the growth is coming from sustainable levers, which is user growth, subscription growth,” he said.
Instacart and DoorDash would offer one combined subscription.Instacart
What DoorDash, Uber Eats, and Instacart subscribers get
RTM Nexus CEO Dominick Miserandino has mixed feelings on the merger.
“I’m not exactly sure it will be a benefit, as choice and competition usually result in lower prices. On top of it, both DoorDash and Instacart have been getting hit with concerns on the extra fees,” he told TheStreet.
“Maybe, however, their merger will cause Uber Eats to also take a step in a positive direction to deal with the competition,” he added.
If the two delivery giants combine, DoorDash expects it to give Instacart customers access to more than 50,000 additional stores, on top of the nearly 100,000 already available through Instacart.
It will also eliminate the need to have two subscriptions.
Uber One ($9.99/mo. or $96/yr.)
Delivery: $0 delivery fee on eligible food, groceries, and more.
Order minimums: $15 at restaurants and non-grocery stores; $35 at grocery stores, where the discount tops out at 5%.
Discounts: Up to 10% off eligible delivery and pickup orders.
Rides: 6% back in Uber Cash plus top-rated drivers on eligible trips.
Surge: Automatic discounts when riding during busy times.
Support: Priority customer support Source: Uber
DashPass ($9.99/mo. or $96/yr.)
Delivery: $0 delivery fees and lower service fees on eligible restaurant, grocery, convenience, and alcohol orders.
Pickup: 5% back in DoorDash credits, with no service fees, on eligible pickup orders.
Exclusives: Members-only discounts and items year-round.
Caviar: Benefits work on both Caviar and DoorDash.
Guarantee: If annual-plan savings come in under $96, DoorDash makes up the gap in promo codes.Source: DoorDash
Instacart+ ($9.99/mo. or $99/yr.)
Delivery: $0 delivery fees on orders of $35 or more, versus typically $3.99 or more for nonmembers.
Pickup: 5% credit back on eligible pickup orders.
Streaming: Peacock, which Instacart values at $59.99 a year.
Family: Two customers can share one membership.
NYT Cooking: A free year of New York Times Cooking, annual members only.
Restaurants: The $0 delivery fee now extends to eligible restaurant orders.Source: Instacart
Rob Lalka, professor of business at Tulane University’s Freeman School of Business, said customers should pay attention to charges beyond the subscription price.
“What the average customer should look for now isn’t just price increases but other ways costs appear, in ways that aren’t always obvious: markups on popular items, higher service-fee percentages, ad placement, or memberships you pay to stop seeing fees, just to name a few examples,” Lalka told TheStreet.
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